Wolf

peda II

I have never been in Bieszczady before, so the Maraton Bieszczadzki looked like a great opportunity to explore the trails and get ready for the Bieg Rzeźnika. Everything seemed to be fine, but here I had to overcome the issue: what I want to do and what I can do. Mind versus body. This is how it went…

I had already been one and a half hour on the road. Twenty-eight kilometers passed so suddenly that I had to admit it was too fast for me. After all those ultras earlier this year I felt like a turtle on the highway. Despite that, I believed being still “fresh”. I speeded up for the first place. Indeed, I was running the third, but hoped that on the last part of the course, which goes only on the hilly trails, I will get the leaders. Having all this mess in my head, I sprinted to the woods to meet my faith.

Probably, exactly at the same moment, my legs started to sore, heart was dancing like hell and I couldn’t run even not so steepy ascents.  Running became mission impossible. Probably the first kilometers were so intensive and fast that it killed already weak spirit inside me. I had to come up with something, but all ideas were already used. I was about to give my body what it wanted the most – rest.

I sat on the ground. It’s not happening, it can’t be true, it just can’t. But yet, I was sitting on the cold meadow, eating my last gel and looking for a runner, who finally has a chance to outrun me. For a while no one passed me, but suddenly Marcin Świerc crossed my mind. Now, I understood what he meant by saying – it is not my day – during Bieg ultra Granią Tatr. I was totally in the same shit – exhausted, with no energy left.  While chatting here with imaginative friend, Clint Eastwood popped up and screamed – make my day, bitch! It woke me up. I slowly stood up, shake the head, as if getting rid of all the non-existing friends, and started to walk with each step floating further on.

That day the fog was incredible thick and I couldn’t see anything in ten meters. Suddenly this whole environment and fatigue started to gain on me again. I began to imagine that a big bad wolf would jump from the fog and bite me to death. I don’t know either it was the fog or my body’s, mind’s betrayal behavior, but I felt so miserable and vulnerable that the idea of hungry wild animal became real and overwhelming. It reduced my ability to run and was killing from inside, but I didn’t want to be a victim – I wanted to be the wolf – the hunter. So, I unleashed this violent creature and started to hunt.

It took me about ten minutes to put my shit together and at the end of the day I finished the third. Almost four hours ago I was nobody, but now I became an animal – the wolf, who for the last two hours was struggling for his life, trying to heal his bleeding soul. The one, who decided, that the mind is more powerful than a body.

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